The Fingerprints of the Holy Spirit in My Life

A while ago, just a regular morning, as I was driving to put my brother on the bus, the Holy Spirit made Himself very present to me.  He revealed how all the decisions that I have made as an adult person seeking to follow God's will and subsequently the decisions that Ron and I have made as a married couple seeking to do God's will have led us to this exact point.  This isn't making sense, clearly our decisions have led us to where we are now.  What I mean is that we have made lots of counter-cultural decisions to serve God and raise our family how we have discerned Him to be calling us to.  And we have been living with the resultant blessings and sacrifices and we are SO HAPPY.  Nevertheless, sometimes (but rarely) temptation and questions enter into our minds and we think "What if we had done (something) differently?!" We might have (something that we have sacrificed).  But in this moment of prayer (because yes, sometimes morning prayer does happen while attentively driving and listening to my daughters chat in the backseat) He revealed to me how all the little decisions have fit together.  That we are following His path for us.  And as with any moment when God responds powerfully to prayer, it was important in my life, in my increased fiat to our Lord and my increased joy in His will.  Some grace to continue praying, "Jesus, I trust in You" and to mean it with every part of me.  God is in control, He has a plan for my life, I need to correspond to His grace with love.

Several weeks later, I was putting my brother on the bus.  When I got to my Mom's house, JW was in the bathroom and completely undressed.  It was honestly a moment that I had been dreading.  JW is pretty disabled and needs help with his basic needs, especially wiping after going to the bathroom and bathing and shaving, etc.  My sister and I have often talked about what will happen to him when our parents pass away.  Will we care for him?  Will he go to a home?  We don't know, I'm sure God will let us know when the time comes.  But we are both not too interested in taking care of his bodily needs.  I know, that sounds terrible, but it's just the truth.  So here I was in this moment with a naked brother and then the bus arrived.  I said a prayer, cleaned him up, dressed him, and sent him off.  And you know what, it wasn't that bad!  Again, I felt the Holy Spirit at work and realized that sometimes I dread moments so much and then when it gets to the actual moment, it's not nearly as bad as I imagined it was going to be.  God gives us the grace for the present moment.  I MUST work on mortifying my imagination.  And if God calls me to care for JW in the future, I trust that He will give me the grace to do so.  AND it won't be as bad as I currently imagine.

One more God-moment, just so I have it recorded.  My birthday was last week, and again, I was dreading it.  Why?  Truly, because many of the things that I want haven't happened in my life.  I was being a baby, and wishing that I had more babies, was holier, was more in shape, etc.  The list can go on and on and on...until God intervenes and takes away my pride and self-interest.  I know that our life is very blessed and in prayer had just recently had it so powerfully confirmed that God has a plan for my life and that it is infinitely more beautiful then my plan.  Yes Lord, I believe that.  But still the dread.  And then, a good confession with some advice about humility.  GRACE!  And then, a beautiful homily about the Sacred Heart and God's intimate, radical, beautiful love for me, for each of us.  GRACE!  And finally, a homily that spoke straight to my heart and left me with goosebumps and shaky on this exact subject (God's will vs temptations from the evil one or self-interest).  GRACE!  When I received our Lord today in the Eucharist, my heart felt like it would explode with joy and gratitude and love.  I held back tears (because that's what I do) and was just so overwhelmed with God's presence in my life, at every moment.

That I may love Him more.  That is my prayer.