Mercy's Birth Story

So my fourth daughter was born in August during the Jubilee year of mercy so for blogging purposes, I will call her Mercy. Here is her birth story!

I was 39 weeks pregnant and I started having sharp pain in my right, lower abdomen. I tried walking, lying down, an ice pack, a warm wash cloth, stretching on my hands and knees and it wouldn't go away. I called the doctor and they recommended continuing to try all of the above listed things, and then when none of them worked they concluded that *maybe* it might be my appendix, and *maybe* I should get checked out. Since it was a Friday night, Ron and I headed to the ER. I knew I wasn't in labor but I was in SO MUCH PAIN. I couldn't even walk without stopping every few feet to recover. We left in somewhat of a panic and discussed what we would do if I needed to have emergency surgery or something and how to put the baby first, etc. Also, my life plan for my children in case I died. Always good conversations to have at the end of a pregnancy. We got to the ER and they took me back to labor and delivery. They did blood work and confirmed that I didn't have an infection anywhere. They monitored Mercy and she was doing great. They sent me for an ultrasound but could not find my appendix because my uterus was so big. So they basically just shrugged and said it was probably gas. GAS!?!?! Holy humility. It was so painful. But since the baby was okay and they couldn't find an infection they sent me home in the middle of the night while I still could not walk because of the pain. By noon the next day I felt mostly better. What a thing.

So then, it was the end of July and August and I was SO SWOLLEN! When was this baby going to be born?!?! On my due date, I scheduled an induction for the following week. I would be 41 weeks and didn't want to go past that date for many reasons. I hoped she would be born before I had to be induced but if not, so be it. I was scheduled to be induced on a Friday morning at 7am. Thursday night, still NOTHING! My sister came over and we walked for hours around the neighborhood. Nothing. I resigned myself to being induced on Friday morning and went to bed. We were all packed, Meg slept over so we could leave bright and early and hopefully beat the morning traffic. Around 2 am, a contraction woke me up! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! I proceeded to move to the couch with my phone to mostly sleep through contractions. I was in labor and still mostly sleeping! More happiness. Around 6 am Ron checked on me. Of course, I wasn't really paying any attention to the timing of the contractions because I was dozing but they were pretty close and pretty long so I took a quick shower and we left around 6:30 am. I think he LOVES my contraction monitoring abilities, haha.

We got to the hospital at 7 am on Friday, the same time I was scheduled to be induced but they didn't have to induce me because I was in labor. It was wonderful. My contractions were strong. I insisted that I wanted to blow dry my hair because pictures and vanity and things like that. And then we watched the Olympics while I breathed through contractions. Ron had asked for an epidural on my behalf as soon as we arrived at the hospital, because he knows me and we have done this before.  I had to receive a certain amount of fluids before I could get the epidural so there was quite a delay. When I had to get the penicillin this time, I asked the nurse to run it with saline so it wasn't painful. The epidural went fine. Of course, I felt much more peaceful once I had it. I had not progressed much before I got it but once it was in around 11:45 am, things sped up and by 12:45 pm I had progressed from 2.5 cm to 10 cm and it was time to push. I was super shaky and nauseous and overheating and made Ron fan me with a folder so that I would not throw up. But then I turned a corner and my doctor coached me through the most peaceful birth I have had thus far and I got to meet my little Mercy!!!

So much joy!!! So many blessings! What a delight she is! Her birth was uneventful in all the right ways and amazing in all the right ways. Her sisters were THRILLED to meet her, and Ron and I were overjoyed to have a fourth daughter. God is so good.

Baby Love

Almost every weekend, I take a nap with my little Clementine. (And I *LET* Ron have some quality time with the big girls! HAHA He is such a good Dad and husband). I curl up with her in my bed and listen to her little snores, rub her soft skin, admire her profile, and smell her delicious smell. I marvel at her little feet and hands and her perfect ears. To say that I am smitten with this child would be a serious understatement. As much as she probably enjoys this cuddling, this mama's heart NEEDS to spend this time with my little one.

She is growing up so quickly! The other day at religious ed she was "playing" with the toddlers and really engaging with them and my heart rejoiced in her personality and curiosity and bravery. Then several minutes later she wanted to nurse and fell asleep, cuddling me for the rest of our time there. She is still such a baby but!!! she is on the cusp of being a toddler. I predict crawling within the next week! And if she is anything like her big sisters, walking shortly thereafter.

I praise God for her so many times each day. She fills such a big part of my heart and brings me so much joy. She is truly a delight. My other children are, too, but I am a different person and a different parent for this baby. We waited and longed for her for so long, and then here she is. More marvelous and more perfect than anyone we could have ever imagined. Isn't God amazing like that? I didn't NEED her for any reason at all, none at all, and yet my heart still longed for her and is more full because of her. Our Heavenly Father loves us this same way! He doesn't need us or any of His Creation and yet He still creates such beautiful and amazing things and longs for us and loves us.

Baby Clementine

To baby Clementine, your birth story.

It was my birthday. We were five days past my due-date, but one day before the mental due-date that I had given myself-so I was still doin' fine. Your first sister was 4 days late (but my Creighton instructor had adjusted her due-date based on my charts to be 2 days later so was she really just 2 days late?...) and your second sister was induced at 5 days late, born at 6 days late, sooooo, I wasn't expecting you to be early, or even really punctual, except that I had been on progesterone shots for your entire pregnancy so I thought maybe you might be a little bit earlier. But still, I have late babies.

Anyway, it was my birthday, and my birthday wish list said something like, "A white teapot, wildflowers, peach cobbler, a new nursing cover, a baby." Check, check, coming after dinner, check, and nope. No baby. We started the day with doughnuts and then Dulce and I went to 9 am Mass. I was having lots of bloody mucus and was nervous about that. It had never happened before. What did it mean? Were you okay?

Fortunately, I had doughnuts for breakfast and you were extra active. Some reassurance from my mid-wife also helped put my mind at ease.

Mass was wonderful, as always always. Dulce had excellent behavior! We got home around 10 and I was having some contractions, so I decided to take a nap. Dulce would NOT leave my side. After an extreme tantrum we let her lie down with me, so she napped from 10am-12pm, too.

Lunch, more contractions, not much going on. They weren't very intense and I was excited and not too uncomfortable.  Could a birthday buddy be on the way? My sister said she would come over to take a walk since it was my birthday, and I asked her to bring an overnight bag....just in case.

Around 3, Meg arrived and I asked Ron to start recording contractions, just so we had a sense of what was going on. I still didn't think they were very strong and was just chatting away with Meg and the kids between contractions. Ron however, had gone into super hyperactive overdrive mode. We kind of laughed at him as he frantically made sandwiches and fruit salad, located the camera and the video camera, packed toiletries and regular clothes and just generally seemed like he was the energizer bunny. My contractions were about three minutes apart and one minute long!  He thought we would be heading to the hospital soon. But I thought we still had several hours at home...

4 pm: I had a contraction, and when it was over I stood up from the rocking chair and felt a gush of liquid.  What?!?!?! I went to the bathroom to investigate. My water had broken. It was full of green gunk...meconium. In a panic, I yelled the news to Ron. He threw all of our stuff in the car. I tearfully kissed my big girls good-bye. They barely cared-Aunt Meg was there and they were having a blast. I plopped myself down on my old, yucky towel and we "sped off" to the hospital. I cried and prayed and called the mid-wife to let her know we were headed in. Ron reassured me and drove quickly.

I got to the hospital around 4:30. My water had broken (clearly!) so I was admitted. Each contraction resulted in a gush of amniotic fluid that was just gross and basically confined me to bed (bummer!). They also told me that due to my water breaking I couldn't labor in the water tub (bigger bummer!) AND I was two centimeters dilated (say WHAT???!!!). I had been 1.5 cm dilated the previous day at my last visit to my mid-wife so I was very disappointed that after 6+ hours of labor I hadn't progressed much.

We settled in for the long haul. I breathed and relaxed through each contraction and waited for the nurse to start my prescription of penicillin. The computers were down so it took a really, really long time to get the prescription. I needed two doses, four hours apart before you could be born, little Clementine, so I really wanted them to get me the dose quickly. But alas, I got my first dose around 6.

While we waited for the dose, we did random things. Ron trashed the towel that I had sat on on the way to the hospital. He called Meg and asked her to kindly mop the floor in our house. I relaxed through contractions and chatted with Ron, the nurse, and monitored my cell phone. I was getting all sorts of random "Happy Birthday!!!" text messages which were sending me into a slight panic. I was desperate for privacy. It's a thing for me when I'm laboring! I would love prayers, but I always really, really want privacy and just can't bring myself to let people know that I'm in labor and to please pray for me.

So the penicillin was finally ready and the nurse warned me that it could hurt when it reached my veins. I think that I flippantly responded that I could handle it, it couldn't be worse then labor, right?

Fast forward five minutes, and WHOA!!!! My arm felt like it was on fire. It was way worse then labor and I felt....bad. My blood pressure dropped dramatically and I felt like I was overheating and in a panic I sent Ron to find the nurse. In came a swarm of nurses. They put ice on my arm and turned me on my side and talked to me and monitored me and hooked up the penicillin so that it ran in with my saline solution so it was more dilute. By 7 the crisis was averted, but I was exhausted from the experience and they checked me again and said I was 2 or 2.5 cm.

Not going anywhere? Grab a snickers. But since that wasn't an option, I asked for an epidural, please, pronto, the sooner the better. I had a great anesthesiologist, which was a relief for me after the horrible experience that I had when Pia was born. They made Ron leave the room, which was actually a relief for him, too. Done at 8 pm. Still 2.5 cm. Bummer.

But now we settled in to a much more comfortable labor experience. Ron and I chatted and waited. I could feel my entire body shaking and still gushes of water. I knew that my body was working hard, but now I wasn't in pain and I wasn't getting in my own way. At 9:45, I knew it was time to push. The nurse came in and said, "Well, that went fast! Better call the midwife." So they called her, and administered my second dose of penicillin, diluted this time. They made me wait to push until the medicine was in and the midwife was there and until I was completely ready. At 10:30 I started pushing, and I expected you to shoot out like Dulce had, but my midwife had me push slowly and in a sense gently and so you were born at 10:55 pm.

My beloved little one! They let me hold you and see you for such a short time before they whisked you away to suction you out because of the meconium. And then Dad held you for a little bit while they sewed me up, and then FINALLY, they gave you to me. I let you nurse right away, and you did for about an hour while I examined you in awe and gratitude and wonder.

The emotions of that moment are too much to describe, to see the face of the little one who has been so prayed for and longed for. My beautiful little Clementine, how much we love you!

They Amaze Me

My children all learned amazing things this summer! 

Bike Riding: In March, I took my girls out for a bike ride to the park. Dulce could. not. steer. At all. She would travel three feet down the side-walk and crash into the grass again. Each time she would say, "Oops. That's okay!" It was hilarious, but slow. Which was perfect for my Pia, who was cautiously riding her bike due to faulty training wheels that tended to pop up when she went over a bump.


Not so good at steering, but not too concerned about it!

Then, in June, Dulce was gifted with a big girl bike with training wheels (just like Pia). It's a Hello-Kitty bike and she was so excited! She spent an entire day riding it in circles inside our house. It's a tight circle and she rode slowly but by the end of the day she was very good at steering.  We took them to a park with a flat, circular bike trail and Dulce took off at a high speed.



"Speed fast".

Not to be out-done by her little sister (ever! ever!), Pia stepped up her speed. She could easily go faster than Dulce, even when Dulce told us she was going, "Speed fast". Yep. It was terrifying to watch.

Speed faster!



About a week later, Pia decided she didn't need her training wheels anymore. They were loose and would pop up when they got jostled by a bump in the side-walk so she just pushed one side up all the way and the other side up 3/4 of the way (just enough so she could still be propped up to start) and off she went, completely balancing. It was shocking. When Ron got home from work that night, he removed her training wheels and we never looked back.

They have both had some major crashes this summer but were still eager to keep riding, to our great surprise. We frequently ride to Nana's house in the evening. Ron chases them, I lag behind with Clementine. Their bike riding has truly defined our summer in an unexpected way! It's been great! No more having to push them around in the stroller or wait while they lag behind us! We get places much faster now!

She's off!

Swinging: Any parent will tell you that trips to the park are a lot more fun once your children don't need to be constantly pushed on the swings. It is a glorious thing when they can pump their legs and swing by themselves! Pia learned to swing by herself last year, and Dulce, who always wants to do the same things as her big sister, learned this year.
 

We laughed at these pictures and how Pia's hair was always in her face....

Dulce goes AS HIGH AS SHE CAN. My seriously intense child.



Swimming:  My girls took swimming lessons for the first time this summer. They learned to put their face in the water, go under the water, float, etc. They loved it! Grandma took them swimming almost every day in July while I stayed home with Clementine.

Pia INSISTED on Clementine wearing a bathing suit, too. I'm not sure she cared for it...

 

Swimming with Grandma! Nice goggles, girls!

Monkey Bars: Pia and Dulce both learned to do the monkey bars this summer. Pia can now do the big kids monkey bars at the elementary school by our house and zips all around. Dulce still moves very slowly on the low monkey bars, but we are still quite amazed that she can do them at all!

Dulce on the low monkey bars.



Dance: Pia and Dulce were both in a dance recital this summer! They did so well. It took a lot of work to learn the dances and a lot of courage to perform them. It was awesome!

 

 

Clementine:And my littlest girl learned to smile and babble and track things with her eyes and bat at things with her hands and got good at holding her head up....She is charming.

 



 





What I've Always Wanted

When I was little, I always wanted to be a mom. I remember spending endless days naming and renaming my baby dolls, dressing and changing them, and dreaming about one day being a real mom.

Me and Pia

When Ron and I got married, we hoped right away for a family, and God graciously sent us little Pia. Then Dulce, and now Clementine. Sometimes the days seem long, but mostly they pass quickly and joyfully. The children are not as perfect and manageable as I imagined they would be. They are better. (Aren't God's gifts ALWAYS better and better timed then what we could ever imagine?) Each one a unique and unrepeatable person, created with great love by our Heavenly Father, and called to sanctify some part of the world. (And they are spunky and funny and fascinating and often quite wild and bold. Cuddly and kind and clever. Good smelling and squishy and beautiful. I could go on. I adore them.)

Me and Dulce

And THIS is the mission that He has planned for ME from the beginning of time: to be a mother to these children (and of course a wife to my wonderful husband).  And so I must be a good one, a kind and holy one who leads her children to Him over and over. Gently and with joy so that they can open their hearts to Him and let Him lead them to good and joy and their vocations, which will make them be fully alive. I beg for that grace every. single. day.

Me and Clementine

Truly, I love being a mom. St. Monica, pray for us! Mary, mother of God, pray for us!

Me and my girls! At a wedding.

My "baby" plan of life

I first learned about a "plan of life" during my time with FOCUS. We had a chaplain who was from Opus Dei and he instructed us about the need to have order in our prayer life (or else, we probably wouldn't have a prayer life- TRUE!). The plan of life for a missionary is pretty intense, but it had to be-we intensely needed God's grace and guidance in every moment of every day. Of course I prayed a lot before I was a  missionary, but never on a schedule. I definitely felt somewhat constricted by the FOCUS schedule at first, but then I grew to love it! Who could not love spending lots of time with our loving God? It was so fruitful and peaceful.

Enter motherhood. I still need God's grace and guidance in every moment of every day!!! Moreso most days. Tending to these little souls with love and patience, being attentive to my husband at the end of a long day when I just want to sleep, keeping a cheerful Christian home, serving everyone with joy, striving to do God's will and grow in holiness and virtue-all these things require God's grace in abundance! By myself, I just crash and burn and crash somemore. Prayer isn't a luxury but a necessity.

My 3 good reasons to pray..in gratitude for them, for their holiness and vocations, for the grace to be a good mom, etc

But, it is challenging to pray, isn't it? When there are a million needs to be met, chores to be done, walks to be taken, dinners to be made, TV series to watch, etc etc etc. And then the day is done and not done very well.

In this post-partum time period, I have changed my plan of life. I can't realistically get to daily Mass too often right now but every day I can

• pray a morning offering
• do 15 minutes of spiritual reading ("In Conversation with God")
• pray the Angelus
• pray a decade of the rosary
• read the Gospel for five minutes
• do mental prayer (converse with God) for half an hour

and throw in Mass on Saturday and of course Sunday, and confession every two weeks and I am doing okay, all by the grace of God.

This post isn't meant to be a brag or anything like that, but I would like to remember what a reasonable plan of life is with a new baby. If it seems like I pray a lot, I assure you that this particular plan of life only takes about an hour each day and it is spread throughout the day. One of my biggest challenges is to keep track of where my "In Conversation with God" book is, because Dulce is rather enamored with it and keeps putting it in random locations (one of her purses, her pretend stroller or shopping cart, etc). She likes all books that are small in size and particuarly those with a ribbon as a book-mark.

I really miss daily Mass, oh so much, but I just can't get out the door in time for it right now.

My luxurious newborn: Life with Clementine

First picture as a family of five!

My third baby is already a month old.  She is sweet as can be and I have found this time of her life to be truly luxurious.  We mostly sit on the couch and nurse all day. I rub her soft, lovely skin and smell her head and kiss her. She stares at me and our striped couch, and occasionally gifts me with a big grin. I watch her eyes roll around while she dreams and grimaces, smiles, wrinkles her forehead, etc and wonder what little babies dream about? 


Coming home from the hospital.

Her sisters ooh and aah and beg to hold her. I admire her tiny, beautiful feet and hands, her blue eyes, her little mohawk.  She still tucks up her bottom so her body is all curled up when I carry her on my shoulder and daintily crosses her legs. She makes little noises and we have small conversations..."So Clementine, I think your life plan right now is to be by me....all the time.  But that's okay, because that's my life plan, too." She loves to take baths and sleeps so well at night that I barely feel sleep deprived. She is lovely beyond words, and I am in awe of how well God made her. 


10 days old

Of course, all of this luxuriating and admiring (and healing and resting) comes because I have the most wonderful husband, mother, sister, mother-in-law, and friends that a girl could ever hope for.  And I am so grateful.

Take that, caterpillar!

And now it has been over a week since I wrote this post, and she has changed so much already! She is alert so much more and smiles all the time (although I still haven't captured a big one on camera). She sticks out her tongue when I stick out my tongue at her and crinkles her forehead when I crinkle mine. She can swat at toys on her play-mat!


A teeny tiny smile, and a much bigger baby!

Her legs are getting pudgy and that double chin is quite charming. I just packed up all of my littlest baby clothes today! I love that she is growing, but goodness the baby days pass quickly, much too quickly.



Today, just sleeping in her chair. Look at those chubby legs and double chin!

The Privilege of Being Pregnant

This seems like a strange topic, but as this pregnancy comes to an end, I have been thinking a lot about what a privilege it is to be pregnant. Many, many people would probably disagree with me! And who hasn't heard women complain that they have to do all the hard work and the men get off so easily, etc. Pregnancy isn't easy...

But! We get to carry our little ones so close to our hearts for 9 months! We get to feel their every wiggle and kick! We get to share the Body and Blood of Christ with them while we carry them! We get to grow our husband's children, which is so amazing to me! All of the most beautiful things in life require suffering before or along with the great joy, and being pregnant is such a strong example of that.  Suffering that brings new life....Lent and Easter, the story of our Redemption, and when we have a baby we get to participate in it in such a personal and profound way. We "give up" our bodies for the new baby. Our sacrifice can't compare even in the slightest way to the magnitude of Christ's sacrifice for us and yet it is still so great. And the joy of holding that little one for the first time-the joy of a new parent and the continuing joy of being a parent teaches us so much about our Heavenly Father's love for us.

I have always been so grateful for each of my pregnancies, for each of my children, but I have also hated being pregnant.  The discomfort, exhaustion, frumpiness, waiting- I just wanted my baby!!! Before this pregnancy I had a period of time in my life where I really learned to love and embrace suffering, and unite it to Jesus. My attitude during this pregnancy has been so different then it was during my previous pregnancies. The little sufferings really do point me to a greater joy and I have been offering them for various intentions. I am so aware of the gift of each moment with this little one. I still can't wait to hold her!  In the meantime, I am enjoying these final three weeks of pregnancy.  Really.
Until that moment when we get to see her face for the first time, and to see my husband's beaming face as he beholds her, I will be reminding myself that I *GET* to be pregnant for 21 more days with this child.

A new baby

We are expecting a new baby, due in early June. We are thrilled, overjoyed, and mostly so grateful for the gift of this little one. We had been hoping for a baby for quite sometime before God blessed us with this baby, and secondary infertility is so complicated. I have long nursing babies and regular cycles so doctors seemed skeptical of my concerns, but I could tell something wasn't quite right. Eventually my charting showed something wasn't right and a wonderful Napro doctor did a hormone profile and it turned out that my progesterone levels dropped after I ovulated so I couldn't sustain a pregnancy. I think we lost a baby in an early miscarriage in February, so I was very grateful to have her confirm and correct the problem. The first month that I took the progesterone God blessed us with our new little one. We were so surprised! I thought my cycle was long because of the progesterone but took the pregnancy test on the assigned day. I did it in the middle of the day because my stomach was bothering me all morning and when it was positive, went to tell Ron and he said something like, "Really? Let me see!".

So excited for a new baby!

This pregnancy has not been easy at all. So many dear friends have experienced pregnancy loss during it and I have been taking progesterone shots so I have been on high alert, literally sweating every time I visit the doctor. "Is the baby okay? Can you hear the heart-beat?" At my last visit they told me I was having a healthy, normal pregnancy. Well, that's something to wrap my mind around! How many additional acts of trust I have made in God during this time I don't know. My two older daughters are SO excited. It is beautiful to see. Pia loves to talk to the baby and that is awkward sometimes, like when we are at church and she gives the sign of peace to my stomach (which isn't very large yet).

On Friday, we found out that the baby is a girl. Three girls. Can't wait!!!! I will call her Clementine for blogging purposes. (This first part was from mid-January).

22 weeks

Continuing on....(mid-February)
Little Clementine is a wiggler, and as each day passes I am more eager to meet her. Tomorrow morning I have the dreaded glucose test, and I'm so excited that I will be at a Catholic hospital this time so that I can go hang out in the chapel for the hour after I drink the glucose stuff, before I have my blood drawn. My anxiety over this pregnancy has decreased as time has passed. I trust that she is really God's baby, and hope that I will get to hold her and be given the honor of raising her and having her be part of our family. Oh my, my nesting is in full swing-tempered by a budget that requires slow, prudent purchases. This is my first pregnancy with Pinterest, which is super fun. So far I haven't had a lot of food cravings, more aversions. I can't eat anything with tomato sauce or I get terrible heart-burn. In lieu of frequent walks (freezing weather), I have been using my elliptical as often as I can and it has been wonderful.

And now I will finally post this, on the last day of February. I passed the glucose test (hooray!). My belly is continuing to expand and I can't wait to hold this little one in less then 100 days. She moves a lot, especially when Ron talks to her-then she goes WILD. It's amazing. New little one, we love you so much already!

Coping with the The Winter Coopies

Here we are at the end of January again, and this January has been particularly frigid and horrible. We have been home, by ourselves, so many days (aka cooped up, so we have the coopies). It's too cold to venture out to play in the constant snow. Every day I ask the girls what they want to do today, and every day Dulce says, "Go to the park." Sorry my sweet girl, not possible. We have nearly reached the end of our tolerance level! C'mon February and warm(er) weather! Yesterday, after using up all of my creative and non-creative ideas to pass the day pleasantly and productively, I popped the girls in a super warm bath with a can of shaving cream. Their little lungs got to inhale the warm, humid air and they turned into prunes. They basically flooded the bathroom and still didn't want to get out after an hour in the tub.

I guess we will make it through until spring. :) All by the grace of God.

Advent

Since I have been an adult, I have been working hard to create find fitting traditions for my family. I know that creating traditions seems strange, why not carry on traditions that I was raised with? Well, I do maintain some cookie recipes and a great love for eggs benedict for Easter breakfast. But we've ditched Santa, seriously down-played Halloween, and definitely no Easter bunny for us. For Thanksgiving I have remained neutral, and I look forward to a time when we have some good football games and long naps along with our turkey-green beans-stuffing-pie traditional dinner!

Our Jesse tree

I had a conversion in college, and fell deeply in love with Jesus Christ and His Church. My heart longs and aches for Him, for more of Him, to celebrate Him. During the holy season that the Church puts forth for us to prepare our hearts for His second coming and to prepare our hearts to celebrate with great joy His birth, gosh darn it, that is what I want to be doing!!!! And then folks, I want to really celebrate the season of Christmas, which comes after the day of Christmas. So my traditions are a little bit counter-cultural because they are Christ-centered and slower then what our society does.

My five year old has been giving me lots of push-back this year. She sees the lights and the Christmas trees and the lovely, beautiful ornaments and wants to decorate NOW! She is ready for the cookies and the parties and gifts. And I have been explaining to her about waiting. How Advent means "to come" and that we need to be ready for when Jesus comes again. That we haven't reached His birthday yet-and everyone knows you don't have birthday parties BEFORE the birthday! That right now we are getting ready. (And I feel like the Grinch. Oh well).

Yesterday we had the following conversation:
Pia: Mom, when can we put up our Christmas tree?
Me: On the third Sunday of Advent, two more weeks.
Pia: But Moooommm, lots of people already have their Christmas trees up.
Me: But Pia, we are going to leave our tree up for a long time after Christmas, and we don't want to be tired of it. Sometimes when things are special, we have to wait longer for them and do them at the right time or they aren't so special. Christmas is like that. Right now we need to get our hearts ready for Baby Jesus. We will have an Advent wreath and a Jesse tree this weekend! And you can put out your nativity sets!!!
Pia: (silence, uncharacteristically)
Me: When you are a grown-up, you can put your Christmas tree up whenever you want to.

As we were walking into her Nana's house, she slipped her hand into mine and told me, "When I'm a grown-up, I'll put my tree up at the same time as you." I squeezed her hand and thought, "Excellent."

Surviving Cancer

My dad was diagnosed with cancer about three months ago.  Unfortunately, it is an advanced stage.  We are very hopeful for his treatment and praying so much for him.  Here are some of my thoughts on how to survive when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer.

My mind is barely working.

1. In the beginning, be prepared for lots of grieving.  For me this meant crazy mood swings, lack of energy, suddenly crying, eating lots of junk food (thus gaining weight-ugh!), no motivation to do anything, an extreme lack of patience and struggle to be charitable.  I found that I could not remember what day of the week it was, what commitments I had, etc.  My mind was not working.  It was foggy.  I was just so shocked.  And sad.  And it was intense.  So grieving, grief.  Lots of it. 

This is how I felt, even though I tried not to actually wail and cry too often.

2. While we are talking about grief, let's add suffering.  I can say from experience that suffering is so redemptive and beautiful.  God ALWAYS brings good from suffering! One of my good friends just mentioned a quote about suffering, "It is Jesus kissing you from the cross."  Yes.  It is our path to Heaven, but let's not say that it's not suffering and that my heart is not heavy and I am not stumbling through life right now.  Suffering is truly so hard.  Jesus' suffering on the cross was truly SO HARD.  And He did that freely for us.

3. And while we are talking about Jesus suffering on the cross, let me just add that I have been telling Him constantly,

"Lord, please help me carry this cross, because I feel like I am drowning.  If you are not carrying the cross with me, I am going to put it down and go have some chocolate and/or surf the internet mindlessly.  But if you are here with me, I will carry the cross and not try to avoid it.  I love You."

And let me just testify that He is with me.  That His is the only strength that has allowed me to get through this time.  And that when I don't pray and beg and unite myself to Him, I end up eating lots of junk food and mindlessly surfing the internet and being frustrated with my kids.

4. Self-care and simplicity.  Pray, exercise, sleep enough.  Try to laugh once each day.  Make simple meals, forget about cleaning, pay attention to your family, ask for some extra help.  Frequent confession, daily Mass, time with good friends.

5. AVOID GOOGLE SEARCHES!  One is ENOUGH.  Okay, maybe two, but that's it.  No more!  Bring your questions to your doctor instead of searching for them because internet searching on cancer is de-pressing! A good way to spiral into a day of intense grief instead of focusing on the good that is right now. Besides, each case is different and you can't discount the power of hope and prayers. We have a living God who can do anything.  He is almighty and all powerful.  No more google searches.

 

This moment=AWESOME!

6. Live in the present moment, not in fear of the future.  The present moment is awesome.  We have this time now to be together and make more memories and love each other.  The time is sweeter, more precious.  We are all more aware of each other. The kids can sense it and they think it is great.  The present moment is awesome, and it will not always be this way, but for now, breath deep! 

 

This is a great way to spend the summer.

7. Forget about all of your old plans and your old life.  This is your new life and it is appropriate to just toss all of your previous plans out the window spend lots of time with Dad.  You will get to Starved Rock and go on a train and complete your summer fun list some other summer.  Be content to get ice cream from the ice cream truck a couple times and call the summer-to-do list good and spend lots of time with Dad at the lake-house.

8. Read this awesome article, tell everyone about this awesome article: Comfort In, Dumping Out!

Please pray for us.

On two year olds....

"I'm going to tell you which are man's treasures on earth so you won't slight them: hunger, thirst, heat, cold, pain, dishonor, poverty, loneliness, betrayal, slander, prison...." -St. Josemaria Escriva, The Way, 194

And let's just add two year olds to that list because my two year old has been on quite a kick lately!

How about the time when she stuck her head in between the railings of a balcony at a wedding, AND GOT STUCK!?  And screamed so much. 

Right after she was rescued from her predicament....she is pretty good at self-portaits.

Then there was the time our friend, Fr. Mike, came for dinner.  Dulce was so excited that she purposefully covered her face with spaghetti sauce.  Then she put all of her carrots in her mouth at once, chewed them up, and spit them out.

On our car ride today she repeatedly dropped her baby doll and then immediately demanded that I turn around and pick up the doll for her.  After a couple times of this, I declined her request order and she screamed and screamed.  Until I gave in so she would stop screaming.  But then she purposefully dropped her doll again and resumed her screaming.

She is always happier once we are out of the car. 

I remember Pia being like this at this age (and let's be serious, she is still like this sometimes!  Like the time when she put lots of orange paint in her hair last week!).  I told my dad that I would give Dulce away for a few months if anyone would take her, but truly, I. was. just. joking!!!  Why?

Well, I think that having a two year old is a time of special blessing.  A time to seriously grow in virtue. 

"There are some who wish to be humble, without being despised, who wish to be happy with their lot, but without being needy, who wish to be chaste, without mortifying the body, to be patient without suffering.  They want both to acquire virtues and to avoid the sacrifices those virtues involve: they are like soldiers who flee the battlefield and try to win the war from the comfort of the city.  Virtues cannot be had without effort and trials." (In Conversation With God, Volume 4, pg. 157)

Having a two year old is a time to specifically pray and beg for the grace to be a patient mother.  For the grace to be kind in the midst of tantrums.  For the grace to move slowly through my day and to willingly be interrupted to tend to the needs of a little one.  It is a time to grow so much in humility!!!

More: "If we keep close to Christ we will find that the inevitable hitches and problems we encounter take on a different meaning.  Instead of being our cross they become Christ's, bringing us to co-redeem with him as we purify our evil intentions and grow in virtue.....We must shout to the four winds that following Christ is a joyful road and even when it passes under the Cross it is marked with optimism and peace.  The trials are the most fruitful stretches of all." (ibid, pg. 156)

The trial of having a two year old passes quickly, too quickly in retrospect.  I'm fairly certain that the teenage years will also provide lots of trials and growth in virtue.  As I live with Christ more, and try to do His will and build His Kingdom, I have found that suffering is so beautiful and fruitful and that He always brings good out of it.  And really, I love Dulce so very, very much.  In the midst of all her mischief she is so absolutely charming and funny and kind.  So I'll just keep following the advice of St. Josemaria:

 Don't say, "That person bothers me."  Think: "That person sanctifies me." (The Way, 174)

Fourth of July, a week late.

Here's my first attempt at {pretty, happy, funny, real}!  The pictures are in chronological order...  {Funny}:

 Fourth of July! We marched with the pro-life group in the parade and we were allowed to give away the balloons as we walked, but we wanted to save most of them until the end of the parade.  The kids along the path BEGGED for them.  It was something.  Pia handed her entire bundle of balloons to the first kid we saw!  Eek.  I was shocked and grabbed them back from the kid while apologizing to his mom and just gave him one balloon instead.  It was kind of funny, but not my best moment.

{Happy}:

Ron and Dulce, after the parade....I'm not sure if they were sharing an inside joke or just cuddling as she rode on his shoulders.

{Real}:

 

We are becoming vegans, but loosely-not because we have allergies or any strong ideologies about animals or something.  So at Christmas and other celebrations I WILL be cooking with butter!  But this ratatouille was delicious.  Amazing.  Phenomenal!  Thanks to my in-real-life friend, Brittany, for this recipe.  You should make it.  You will love it.  Seriously.

{Pretty}:

The girls wore their pajamas to watch the fireworks, and even though you can't tell in this picture, the sunset was so beautiful.  God's creation is always so amazing.

Of course the fireworks were nice, too.  (Not my pictures of them, though!)  Happy 4th of July!